C: You will learn to love me, then to hate me, then to love me again.
C++: You will learn to hate me, then to love me, and then you’ll learn that you’ll never fully know me.
D: I’m slightly better than C++, but you’ll never use me because I’m poorly supported and only recently got a GCC frontend.
Python: You don’t care about performance for this project, so why would you write it in anything else but me?
Ruby: I’m underappreciated. Everyone thinks I’m a hipster but I’m actually cooler than Python once you get to know me. But I know you won’t use me. I’m not as well supported.
Rust: *$@#*%&#^%$*!#@!(*%*^$(*@#$*&@#*$$!(, see, isn’t that elegant? It’s memory safe, too!
Go: If Python were statically typed but kept the garbage collector
C#: I’m pretty, but my father is Charles Manson and I’m useless on other operating systems. .NET Core? Sure, if you want .dll files on Linux!
Visual Basic: C#’s mentally challenged, violent older brother
Java: If C# tasted like cigarette butts, concrete mix, and hopelessness
Perl 5: HeeeEeHEeEEeheeEEE looOok WhaAt I cCan Do In 3 LiIiNes!! WhaAt DoesS iT doOO? I dOn’T knOWww eItHeeRrr!! *hacking, sickly laughter that turns into a coughing fit*
Lua: I’m adorable! Look how cute and little I am! Lookit! Lookit me! I’m so cute! You love writing me, but you’re scared to let me stand on my own, I know. I can do it, I promise!!!