Programming

If programming languages had honest titles, what would they be?

C: You will learn to love me, then to hate me, then to love me again.

C++: You will learn to hate me, then to love me, and then you’ll learn that you’ll never fully know me.

D: I’m slightly better than C++, but you’ll never use me because I’m poorly supported and only recently got a GCC frontend.

Python: You don’t care about performance for this project, so why would you write it in anything else but me?

Ruby: I’m underappreciated. Everyone thinks I’m a hipster but I’m actually cooler than Python once you get to know me. But I know you won’t use me. I’m not as well supported.

Rust: *[email protected]#*%&#^%$*!#@!(*%*^$(*@#$*&@#*$$!(, see, isn’t that elegant? It’s memory safe, too!

Go: If Python were statically typed but kept the garbage collector

JavaScript: HAIL SATAN, BRINGER OF DARKNESS AND DESPAIR FOR ALL OF MANKIND! MAY WE SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY! THE IGNORANT SHALL FLOCK TO ME LIKE LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER AND SPREAD MY PLAGUE FAR AND WIDE.

TypeScript: See JavaScript.

C#: I’m pretty, but my father is Charles Manson and I’m useless on other operating systems. .NET Core? Sure, if you want .dll files on Linux!

Visual Basic: C#’s mentally challenged, violent older brother

Java: If C# tasted like cigarette butts, concrete mix, and hopelessness

Perl 5: HeeeEeHEeEEeheeEEE looOok WhaAt I cCan Do In 3 LiIiNes!! WhaAt DoesS iT doOO? I dOn’T knOWww eItHeeRrr!! *hacking, sickly laughter that turns into a coughing fit*

Lua: I’m adorable! Look how cute and little I am! Lookit! Lookit me! I’m so cute! You love writing me, but you’re scared to let me stand on my own, I know. I can do it, I promise!!!

Author

TurtleSoftSolution

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *